Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Miracle required....

I'm on the verge of being sacked, terminated, demolished or burst into flames.
I have a project to finish by today, and yet to complete. Not even near completion.

Thot of staying home and completing it without any interference, only to receive a SMS from Andy saying he is on MC. Without any options left, I came to work.

So far, as usual, I have been tied up with other works. Am still trying to work out a miracle and pull this through. Hopefully I will be successful.

Loud music of WATER - a hindi movie making its mark in US and UK is keeping me occupied.
Music by AR RAHMAN, Directed by Deepa Mehta (of FIRE and EARTH. WATER is her last installation of this trilogy).

Pray for me, brother

Friday, May 26, 2006

lifestyle makeover has been so long since my last post....
not really may be only 3 weeks and not that any one bothered anyway.....

i was really going through hell of time in the past 3 weeks.....of course i have had the brightest moment of my life too...

as per the last event in my life.....The Break Up....things have gone from bad to worse and i am back...from the event not back with her....

you guys do know that I had a trip to PD with her family where I broke up the news and she was kinda cool about my surprise rite. The real drama unfolded later...that weekend...

I made a trip back home for the mothers day(of course, without Mum being there), and I got the news that my sister (which I don't really like to spend time with her lately) was occupying mothers house that weekend and my brother, Syafiq, will only join us on Saturday. So, i really don't want to go back home but i was already in my without thingking twice I called up "her" mum and asked her if i can bunk in...and they were more than happy to receive only the mother and father were home. So, i went to their house instead of mine and handed her the Saree which I bought for her for mothers day....she was happy, i was happy, the dad was more than happy. And we went to bed.

Woke on Saturday morning, had breakfast with them and left to my house happily.
Just a note, I really look up to her parents so much. I place them right next to my parents. That's how much I love them.

Later, I was informed that "she" went back to her home and her mum told her of my visit.
She was trying to call me and get me back into the relationship which I strongly rejected. The next day, on Mothers Day..received a SMS from her mum

"Please drop by our house later- Aunty"....

When I went down, tears started rolling from her mums eyes!
Gosh, its Mothers Day..and I made her she was sobbing about the break up...she didn't know that "She" took the relationship too seriously. I was in tears too, its Mothers Day for gods sake! And I made her cry!

After sobbing, crying and explaining for almost 2 hours.....i left her house....still crying...
i hugged her and said sorry.....

Just before I leave her mum handed me their cordless phone saying "her" brother from NZ was on the other line and he gave me a warning or sort saying "If this break up is because of another girl, then you bet I wont be 'talking' to you" which I said...."fair enough"...

i left her house in Batang Berjuntai at 12.30, with having a wedding to attend in Singapore at 6.30. Reached KL at 2.30. Had lunch and it was already 3.00.

Had no choice but to catch a shuttle flight and reach singapore at 6.15....rushed back home and made it to the wedding at 7.15...

it was soo tiring, both physically and mentally...

and ever since then, she has been calling me and and calling me names she has. her room mate too! I have in kinda open for all to call me names. She was trying to win me making me feel bad, angry, guilty and whatever not. But I am sorry, I have made up my mind...and this is it.

Life has changed completely within a space of 6 months. Expecting more twists and turns in future......i am wondering if Aziz M.Osman is secretly directing my life or what!????

p/s: I have been listening to AR Rahmans background score ( Music > Music Bit 5) for the movie "THE PROVOKED". The composition overlaps 2 extremely different genres of music at the same time.....which only ARR can do and it is so about my state of mind rite now.

But...............BUT...... I am having a peaceful walk of my life too......thanks to god....

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

My first Mothers day without Mum...

A lot of things have happened in the past couple of months. To cherish some and to forget some.

Today, 10th May is my sisters death anniversary.

This Sunday, 14th May is Mother days. Mum is not around. I am.
How it is going to be? I really don't know.
A friend of mine is getting married in Sentosa Beaufort on Sunday.
So, that will occupy my Sunday nite.

Leaving to JB tomorrow after work, putting up with Valli akka in Tampoi Indah.
Then on Friday driving down with them to KL and heading straight to Batang Berjuntai,
where my second brother will be waiting for me to help him with some garage re-construction.

Will be leaving KL on Saturday nite.

Weekend activites have been planned. Emotions to go with it, have not been decided. One thing for sure it is going to be tough for me to go through it.

As they always say, you tend to value something more when it is not around. I am realising it now.

Happy Mothers Day Mum. I love you.


Monday, May 08, 2006

IT'S DONE....once and for all

finally, the curtain has to come down.

I have walked out of my relationship with Dearrie which has been built for almost 8 years, the last 2 years being more commited. I realised I can't make her happy, my mistakes, in-sensitivitiveness, characters are not exactly what she was looking. Hence I had the final say and walked out of this relationship. I love her, that's for sure. At the same time, I'm not prepared to see her crying at the drop of hat just because of me. It brings dowm my energy, self esteem and my confidence. So, I even spoke to her mum about this and to my surprise she(Mum) was so understanding and said

"It doesn't matter if you marry her or not, but you are always like my own son."
So sweet of her. I'm good enough to be her son but not as her son-in-law, I guess.

Anyway, I hope Dearrie will be happy with someone who can really take care of her and meet her expectations and will make her smile all the time. Unlike me, who made her cry for as long as I was there.

Sorry for everything and good luck.


Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Unappreciated, Unaccepted and finally un-done

Why is it difficult for you to make me feel appreciated?
Is it difficult to give me the pleasure of making you happy in your life?
Why tears keep flowing uncontrollably?
What is the necessity for you to compare me with some "fools" and put me down?
Why is it you can't love me for my incompleteness?
Why did you loved me, when you know I am not the one you wanted in the first place?
Why bother telling me, you are right and I am wrong? Always.
When was the last time I really felt satisfied for making you happy in your life?
Why when I look back at our relationship, all I can see is a blurry image? Blurred by your over-flowing tears.
All I wanted is someone who loves me for what I am and for what I am not!
All I wished for is someone who knows how to live with my best behaviors and compromise my worst behaviors.
I was never meant to be a perfect guy. Please accept me, if you want to, for who I am.
Else, I have no choice but to leave you for a better guy who may come your way.

I am sorry.

Incomplete Guy.